Children as the Mentors

I've written quite a lot about the emotion connected to food over the past few days and something happened last evening when I had the kids that I mentor over that to me demonstrated the normality of the food/emotion connection so I thought today I would share that in today's post.

Back before the 4 moves back and forth across the country last year, we lived in a large house in a nice neighborhood with two cars in the drive. Every Thursday my husband and I would have the five inner city kids that I have mentored and tutored for the past 4 1/2 years over for supper, tutoring, and play station games, the occasional movie or other fun activity. As the children have grown up I have noticed more and more through the things they say, the important role we have played. They often talk about the things we have done together...the times they have spent the night and have had an Uncle Remus story and what the youngest little boy calls "a bednight snack", the trip to my parent's farm summer before last where they rode horses and paddled the canoe around the pond, caught frogs in the mud, and searched for treasure in the pasture. They talk fondly of lighting sparklers in the driveway, riding elephants and ponies at the state fair, and feeding the giraffes at the zoo. Their chatter about these things is frequent and often goes on between the children with me quiet in the background. It is a joy to hear because it tells us that we have given them memories that will be with them for a long time.

Last night the youngest little boy, Stanley, discovered the snacks in the fridge. He immediately wanted to know if he could have one of the cinnamon streusal coffee cakes that were in there. Since it was before dinner I said he'd have to wait until after dinner but that he could have something after dinner. I noticed that he ate less dinner than he normally does...and it struck me that he just naturally "saved room for dessert." He planned so that he would still be a bit hungry when it was time for the coveted cinnamon streusal cake.

After dinner he had his cake which he enjoyed with gusto. The evening went on...but he kept talking about the cakes and wondering if he could have another. Since he was struggling with the motivation to learn to spell electricity I said that he could have three cakes to take home with him that he could eat during the week if he could ace his spelling test.

The evening went on...he aced the test...and when it was time for him to go home the drawer with all the treats came out and he was allowed to choose his three goodies. Choosing is a hard task for a boy of 8 when there is quite a bit of variety in the snacks available. He hemmed and hawed. He took things, he put things back. He talked steadily as he deliberated. Did I remember when the kids used to stay all night and I would let them have a "bed night snack?" Did I remember how he ALWAYS chose the cinnamon cakes? (I don't remember that -- I remember he had a fondness for hot cheetos -- but my memory of it isn't important.) Those were fun times weren't they? And on and on...a continuous stream of dialogue...the point of which when it all got down to it was that he chose three cinnamon streusal cakes because they reminded him of getting a streusal cake and having a "bed night snack" along with a story before going to bed when they used to spend the night and go to school from our house in the morning. (Something we have not done recently because we have one car now and it would be difficult to get everyone out the door, dropped off, and my husband to work on time.)

The connection between emotion, memories, and food is a strong one...and is something that we should enjoy as part of our process of caring for ourselves better. We are after all integrated wholes...we are not just our bodies or just our emotions...we are comprised of both....and it is a natural and wonderful thing to sometimes honor our emotions and our memories by choosing (when we are hungry) to eat something that reminds us of a happy time. It is a natural thing to do. It's a joyous thing...and one of the pleasures that we can fully enjoy again as part of the intuitive eating/no diet path.