There are good days with intuitive eating and days that for whatever reason don't feel as good. Today has been one of those days when I have felt like I was flubbing up...and yet when I looked back over the day I realized that in spite of the kind of general feeling of blah-ness in relation to food and eating I hadn't flubbed up. I was hungry when I ate breakfast. I didn't have lunch and so was really hungry when I had a cup of hot chocolate an hour or so before dinner. I was hungry again by dinner. I wasn't massively hungry for dessert...but was just on the edge...where eating a small piece of pie was completely satisfying.
Not sure why I sometimes give myself negative marks when my eating has actually been pretty good.
It probably bears consideration and perhaps a later post.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Looking Beyond the Food to the Message
I am always amazed by the things I can learn simply by paying attention to my urges to eat when I am not physically hungry. Over the years that I have followed (and not followed as well) the principles of intuitive eating (basically eat when hungry, stop when satisfied) I have learned a few things.
The first thing I learned was that I didn't have a weight problem because I lacked willpower or because I loved food and eating more than thinner people do. I learned that I had spent a lifetime chasing the wrong guidelines and applying my willpower to solutions from outside of myself rather than looking inside for the answers that are there and have been all along.
Somewhere along the way, I had another realization when I "woke up" with the refrigerator door open, and found myself looking inside for something to eat. After checking in with myself to see what I wanted to eat I realized that I didn't want to eat at all. I was not hungry.
As is often the case, the urge to eat when I am not physically hungry was an indication that there was something brewing that I was avoiding. I don't remember specifically what that thing was, but I do remember the realization that I had made a habit of using food to procrastinate...and that I used it often for that purpose.
Nowadays when I find myself looking for food when I am not physically hungry I ask myself what it is I am trying to avoid or put off. Once I ask myself the question, the answer is usually there...and I know...okay I am avoiding writing a rejection letter to an author whose book I am not going to publish. Once I know what I am trying to avoid I can remind myself that eating won't make the unhappy task go away...that I will still have it to face after I have overeaten...and I can gently direct myself to the task at hand, get it done, and move on with other more pleasant tasks.
I find that what is usually most important in stalling overeating for me is to interrupt the behavior. If I am looking for food and I am not really hungry, that is the time for me to stop and ask myself what is going on, what I am trying to avoid, and then once I know the answer I can attack the problem itself instead of trying to avoid it.
The first thing I learned was that I didn't have a weight problem because I lacked willpower or because I loved food and eating more than thinner people do. I learned that I had spent a lifetime chasing the wrong guidelines and applying my willpower to solutions from outside of myself rather than looking inside for the answers that are there and have been all along.
Somewhere along the way, I had another realization when I "woke up" with the refrigerator door open, and found myself looking inside for something to eat. After checking in with myself to see what I wanted to eat I realized that I didn't want to eat at all. I was not hungry.
As is often the case, the urge to eat when I am not physically hungry was an indication that there was something brewing that I was avoiding. I don't remember specifically what that thing was, but I do remember the realization that I had made a habit of using food to procrastinate...and that I used it often for that purpose.
Nowadays when I find myself looking for food when I am not physically hungry I ask myself what it is I am trying to avoid or put off. Once I ask myself the question, the answer is usually there...and I know...okay I am avoiding writing a rejection letter to an author whose book I am not going to publish. Once I know what I am trying to avoid I can remind myself that eating won't make the unhappy task go away...that I will still have it to face after I have overeaten...and I can gently direct myself to the task at hand, get it done, and move on with other more pleasant tasks.
I find that what is usually most important in stalling overeating for me is to interrupt the behavior. If I am looking for food and I am not really hungry, that is the time for me to stop and ask myself what is going on, what I am trying to avoid, and then once I know the answer I can attack the problem itself instead of trying to avoid it.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Some Thanksgiving Thoughts
TwinkleAs we approach Thanksgiving my thoughts have frequently turned to the things that I am thankful for. There are many. I am blessed.
I'm thankful for my husband and his love and support. I am thankful for my parents who raised me to be compassionate and caring. I am thankful for my nieces and nephews and am hopeful that I have passed on to them some of the qualities my parents instilled in me. I am thankful for good friends, for the bond of friendship that makes me feel connected rather than separate. I am thankful for my business, and for the fact that I get to do work that I LOVE doing. I'm thankful for the kids I mentor. I'm thankful for the richness, diversity, and excitement that they bring to my life. I'm thankful for my home and for my cats Addy and Twinkle. I'm thankful for the affection of Twinkle which is shared widely with everyone she meets. Twinkle has never ever met a stranger. I am thankful for Addy who is more timid with her affection and am thankful that she is gradually learning to trust us more and as she does she is more affectionate with us.
I'm also very thankful for the intuitive eating/no-diet approach and for the changes that the approach has brought into my life.
I am thankful that I can look forward to the holidays without worrying about what I will or won't eat and how much weight I will gain. I am really thankful that I can give up worrying about food and weight...that my thoughts no longer need to be consumed with thoughts of losing weight because I know that if I eat when I am hungry and stop when I am satisfied the weight will take care of itself.
I am thankful that I can enjoy the holidays, that I can enjoy special holiday foods without bingeing on them. I'm thankful that I can relax this holiday season and enjoy good food and good times with friends and family without food (not eating "bad" things) occupying most of my focus. I'm thankful that I no longer count calories, weigh food, and that there are no longer forbidden foods.
Most of all I am thankful for sanity -- for peace with food. I am thankful for the ability to simply eat when I am hungry, stop when I am satisfied...and I'm thankful that I know that that is really all that is required. I am thankful for the simplicity...for something so natural...so intuitive that I was doing it naturally when I was a baby.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Food -- The Substitute
Food...ever notice how many things food stands in for?
One of the reasons that we use food as a convenient substitute for sleep, sex, love, time to relax, or time to be creative is that it is easier to eat something than it is to tackle the bigger issues in our lives. It's easier to eat or drink something with caffeine than it is to find time to take a nap or get enough sleep that we don't need one. It is easier to eat when we are lonely and want love or intimacy than it is to find a partner who will give us those things. Food is by far easier than finding time to relax. And yet, eating to fulfill our need for sleep, intimacy, relaxation, or time to follow our creative muse leaves us unsatisfied and emotionally empty because our basest of needs have not been met, only covered up for a time with too much food.
One of the things that it is important for us as we follow an intuitive eating approach is how food is standing in for other things...and how we can give ourselves the things we really want and need so that we will not need to use food to satisfy needs that it was never intended to satisfy.
One of the reasons that we use food as a convenient substitute for sleep, sex, love, time to relax, or time to be creative is that it is easier to eat something than it is to tackle the bigger issues in our lives. It's easier to eat or drink something with caffeine than it is to find time to take a nap or get enough sleep that we don't need one. It is easier to eat when we are lonely and want love or intimacy than it is to find a partner who will give us those things. Food is by far easier than finding time to relax. And yet, eating to fulfill our need for sleep, intimacy, relaxation, or time to follow our creative muse leaves us unsatisfied and emotionally empty because our basest of needs have not been met, only covered up for a time with too much food.
One of the things that it is important for us as we follow an intuitive eating approach is how food is standing in for other things...and how we can give ourselves the things we really want and need so that we will not need to use food to satisfy needs that it was never intended to satisfy.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Taking Back Our Trust
There are many things that I love about the no diet/intuitive eating approach. But one of the biggest is that the approach teaches us to look inside ourselves rather than looking to something outside ourselves for the solution to our issues with food.
It is empowering to listen to our own bodies, to trust our own physical sensations of hunger and satiety rather than ceding our power to some outside authority so that they can tell us what, when, and how much to eat of which foods so that we can attain the ever elusive thinness.
It stuns me to think how much power I have handed over to outside authorities over the years...simply because I wanted to believe that some diet plan, some diet guru, some weight loss center had the elusive answer that would magically make me thin.
I believe that part of the work we do as we work through an intuitive eating process is to take back control... finally take back our own power and take responsibility for our own relationship with food.
Taking back the trust that has been misplaced in a bevy of diets, diet doctors, diet centers, diet books, diet pills, and other diet hoopla and placing the trust instead, in ourselves and in our body's ability to tell us when we are hungry and when we are satisfied empowers us.
It is empowering to listen to our own bodies, to trust our own physical sensations of hunger and satiety rather than ceding our power to some outside authority so that they can tell us what, when, and how much to eat of which foods so that we can attain the ever elusive thinness.
It stuns me to think how much power I have handed over to outside authorities over the years...simply because I wanted to believe that some diet plan, some diet guru, some weight loss center had the elusive answer that would magically make me thin.
I believe that part of the work we do as we work through an intuitive eating process is to take back control... finally take back our own power and take responsibility for our own relationship with food.
Taking back the trust that has been misplaced in a bevy of diets, diet doctors, diet centers, diet books, diet pills, and other diet hoopla and placing the trust instead, in ourselves and in our body's ability to tell us when we are hungry and when we are satisfied empowers us.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
It Doesn't Have to be a Full Meal -- Snacking is Good
One of the problems that I face on a regular basis, and that I expect anyone who has a family or an active social life will also face is how to wait for hunger when my hunger doesn't occur at the time that everyone else is planning to eat.
There are several options...the first and in my opinion, worst... is to just shuck waiting for hunger and eat with everyone else in spite of not being hungry ourselves. Though this one can be done, it reinforces the disconnection between physical hunger and eating which is in the long term harmful to the new relationship with food that we are trying to build through the intuitive eating process. I have used this one, but do try hard to avoid it.
Another option is to sit with the rest of the family or group of friends while they eat, without eating ourselves. This choice honors our own bodies, our own hungers, and strengthens the new relationship we are trying to build with food. The problem is that families and friends are sometimes uncomfortable with this. Many friends and families do not have the insight that we have gained through our no diet approach and are still approaching food in old ways -- seeing meal time as more of a social event than something to do with satisfying hunger.
A third option is to prepare to be hungry at the time that others will be eating so that you can enjoy the meal and the company of friends and family. For many of us the old diet mentality still persists and intrudes here. We were taught that meals were good and snacks were bad. So when we think of eating we think of eating a meal...
Timing our food intake so that we will be hungry at dinner time or hungry after a movie or meeting when everyone will go out to eat entails being willing to throw aside the idea that snacks are bad and should be avoided in favor of feeding oursleves just the right amount of food to curb our hunger until the time that we will be eating...so that we can be hungry when everyone else is eating.
For example, if I am hungry at 3 but I know that I will be going to dinner with my husband at 5, I will not want to eat a whole meal at 3 because then I will not be hungry at 5. It makes sense to eat something very small to satisfy my hunger -- when this came up yesterday I had about 3 bites of leftover spaghetti about 10 peanut M&M's, a swig of soda which was just the right amount for me to be perfectly hungry at 5 when my husband and I had dinner.
Snacking, though getting a bad rap from many diet gurus and diet plans is actually a very healthy approach and is just one of many ways that we can honor our bodies by giving ourselves just the right amount of food at just the right time.
There are several options...the first and in my opinion, worst... is to just shuck waiting for hunger and eat with everyone else in spite of not being hungry ourselves. Though this one can be done, it reinforces the disconnection between physical hunger and eating which is in the long term harmful to the new relationship with food that we are trying to build through the intuitive eating process. I have used this one, but do try hard to avoid it.
Another option is to sit with the rest of the family or group of friends while they eat, without eating ourselves. This choice honors our own bodies, our own hungers, and strengthens the new relationship we are trying to build with food. The problem is that families and friends are sometimes uncomfortable with this. Many friends and families do not have the insight that we have gained through our no diet approach and are still approaching food in old ways -- seeing meal time as more of a social event than something to do with satisfying hunger.
A third option is to prepare to be hungry at the time that others will be eating so that you can enjoy the meal and the company of friends and family. For many of us the old diet mentality still persists and intrudes here. We were taught that meals were good and snacks were bad. So when we think of eating we think of eating a meal...
Timing our food intake so that we will be hungry at dinner time or hungry after a movie or meeting when everyone will go out to eat entails being willing to throw aside the idea that snacks are bad and should be avoided in favor of feeding oursleves just the right amount of food to curb our hunger until the time that we will be eating...so that we can be hungry when everyone else is eating.
For example, if I am hungry at 3 but I know that I will be going to dinner with my husband at 5, I will not want to eat a whole meal at 3 because then I will not be hungry at 5. It makes sense to eat something very small to satisfy my hunger -- when this came up yesterday I had about 3 bites of leftover spaghetti about 10 peanut M&M's, a swig of soda which was just the right amount for me to be perfectly hungry at 5 when my husband and I had dinner.
Snacking, though getting a bad rap from many diet gurus and diet plans is actually a very healthy approach and is just one of many ways that we can honor our bodies by giving ourselves just the right amount of food at just the right time.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Children as the Mentors
I've written quite a lot about the emotion connected to food over the past few days and something happened last evening when I had the kids that I mentor over that to me demonstrated the normality of the food/emotion connection so I thought today I would share that in today's post.
Back before the 4 moves back and forth across the country last year, we lived in a large house in a nice neighborhood with two cars in the drive. Every Thursday my husband and I would have the five inner city kids that I have mentored and tutored for the past 4 1/2 years over for supper, tutoring, and play station games, the occasional movie or other fun activity. As the children have grown up I have noticed more and more through the things they say, the important role we have played. They often talk about the things we have done together...the times they have spent the night and have had an Uncle Remus story and what the youngest little boy calls "a bednight snack", the trip to my parent's farm summer before last where they rode horses and paddled the canoe around the pond, caught frogs in the mud, and searched for treasure in the pasture. They talk fondly of lighting sparklers in the driveway, riding elephants and ponies at the state fair, and feeding the giraffes at the zoo. Their chatter about these things is frequent and often goes on between the children with me quiet in the background. It is a joy to hear because it tells us that we have given them memories that will be with them for a long time.
Last night the youngest little boy, Stanley, discovered the snacks in the fridge. He immediately wanted to know if he could have one of the cinnamon streusal coffee cakes that were in there. Since it was before dinner I said he'd have to wait until after dinner but that he could have something after dinner. I noticed that he ate less dinner than he normally does...and it struck me that he just naturally "saved room for dessert." He planned so that he would still be a bit hungry when it was time for the coveted cinnamon streusal cake.
After dinner he had his cake which he enjoyed with gusto. The evening went on...but he kept talking about the cakes and wondering if he could have another. Since he was struggling with the motivation to learn to spell electricity I said that he could have three cakes to take home with him that he could eat during the week if he could ace his spelling test.
The evening went on...he aced the test...and when it was time for him to go home the drawer with all the treats came out and he was allowed to choose his three goodies. Choosing is a hard task for a boy of 8 when there is quite a bit of variety in the snacks available. He hemmed and hawed. He took things, he put things back. He talked steadily as he deliberated. Did I remember when the kids used to stay all night and I would let them have a "bed night snack?" Did I remember how he ALWAYS chose the cinnamon cakes? (I don't remember that -- I remember he had a fondness for hot cheetos -- but my memory of it isn't important.) Those were fun times weren't they? And on and on...a continuous stream of dialogue...the point of which when it all got down to it was that he chose three cinnamon streusal cakes because they reminded him of getting a streusal cake and having a "bed night snack" along with a story before going to bed when they used to spend the night and go to school from our house in the morning. (Something we have not done recently because we have one car now and it would be difficult to get everyone out the door, dropped off, and my husband to work on time.)
The connection between emotion, memories, and food is a strong one...and is something that we should enjoy as part of our process of caring for ourselves better. We are after all integrated wholes...we are not just our bodies or just our emotions...we are comprised of both....and it is a natural and wonderful thing to sometimes honor our emotions and our memories by choosing (when we are hungry) to eat something that reminds us of a happy time. It is a natural thing to do. It's a joyous thing...and one of the pleasures that we can fully enjoy again as part of the intuitive eating/no diet path.
Back before the 4 moves back and forth across the country last year, we lived in a large house in a nice neighborhood with two cars in the drive. Every Thursday my husband and I would have the five inner city kids that I have mentored and tutored for the past 4 1/2 years over for supper, tutoring, and play station games, the occasional movie or other fun activity. As the children have grown up I have noticed more and more through the things they say, the important role we have played. They often talk about the things we have done together...the times they have spent the night and have had an Uncle Remus story and what the youngest little boy calls "a bednight snack", the trip to my parent's farm summer before last where they rode horses and paddled the canoe around the pond, caught frogs in the mud, and searched for treasure in the pasture. They talk fondly of lighting sparklers in the driveway, riding elephants and ponies at the state fair, and feeding the giraffes at the zoo. Their chatter about these things is frequent and often goes on between the children with me quiet in the background. It is a joy to hear because it tells us that we have given them memories that will be with them for a long time.
Last night the youngest little boy, Stanley, discovered the snacks in the fridge. He immediately wanted to know if he could have one of the cinnamon streusal coffee cakes that were in there. Since it was before dinner I said he'd have to wait until after dinner but that he could have something after dinner. I noticed that he ate less dinner than he normally does...and it struck me that he just naturally "saved room for dessert." He planned so that he would still be a bit hungry when it was time for the coveted cinnamon streusal cake.
After dinner he had his cake which he enjoyed with gusto. The evening went on...but he kept talking about the cakes and wondering if he could have another. Since he was struggling with the motivation to learn to spell electricity I said that he could have three cakes to take home with him that he could eat during the week if he could ace his spelling test.
The evening went on...he aced the test...and when it was time for him to go home the drawer with all the treats came out and he was allowed to choose his three goodies. Choosing is a hard task for a boy of 8 when there is quite a bit of variety in the snacks available. He hemmed and hawed. He took things, he put things back. He talked steadily as he deliberated. Did I remember when the kids used to stay all night and I would let them have a "bed night snack?" Did I remember how he ALWAYS chose the cinnamon cakes? (I don't remember that -- I remember he had a fondness for hot cheetos -- but my memory of it isn't important.) Those were fun times weren't they? And on and on...a continuous stream of dialogue...the point of which when it all got down to it was that he chose three cinnamon streusal cakes because they reminded him of getting a streusal cake and having a "bed night snack" along with a story before going to bed when they used to spend the night and go to school from our house in the morning. (Something we have not done recently because we have one car now and it would be difficult to get everyone out the door, dropped off, and my husband to work on time.)
The connection between emotion, memories, and food is a strong one...and is something that we should enjoy as part of our process of caring for ourselves better. We are after all integrated wholes...we are not just our bodies or just our emotions...we are comprised of both....and it is a natural and wonderful thing to sometimes honor our emotions and our memories by choosing (when we are hungry) to eat something that reminds us of a happy time. It is a natural thing to do. It's a joyous thing...and one of the pleasures that we can fully enjoy again as part of the intuitive eating/no diet path.
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